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Oiesis: The Deception

“When you are told from childhood that you are expected and commanded to behave in a way that will be acceptable only if you do it voluntarily… you remain permanently mixed-up. That, if anything, is permanent brain damage…” – Alan Watts

I knew I would need to take a good, long and honest look at myself. Others had defined me to that point. I had assumed a role put upon me by someone else–by my parents and by the Jehovah’s Witness community. They had told me who I was to be.  I had allowed this as it was the only way I knew. That is how life must be. Now, that role was tenuous, and I felt the need to see what this meant.  How does one get to this point? I had played the game, now who am I?

 

The Stoics spoke of how Oiesis, our false concepts and self-deception are responsible for the disturbance and dysfunction in our lives.

 

I had a concept of who I should be because others told me who I was to be. But I knew in my deep down this conception was not meshing with whom I was or perhaps meant to be.  I didn’t know how to learn this.  But I had an awareness that letting go of what I knew would attract what was proper to the role I knew I should play in life.

This conception is what my ex-wife fell in love with. When that conception changed, her view changed. Though I was now for all intents a better man, it was not the man she conceptualized and so she rejected that man.

With the Jehovah’s Witness community, so long as one fits into the concept of what they believe a worshiper of God must be, all is well.  Once that concept changes so does acceptance. In many respects I suppose you could say it’s black and white within the witness culture.

I was at odds with the fact I could at this point become reinstated and thus reopen the door of associating again with my witness family and friends. But I would do so at the expense of who I was. If I didn’t believe it why would I go back to it? I didn’t want to live a double life again within the Jehovah’s Witness community. Even if it wasn’t a life of sin if I wasn’t being authentic I would live a lie. No one should live that way.

Show up

Be forthright

Speak truth

The story continues.

© Better Happiness 2018

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